wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
