I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize