you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
