foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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