I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
