I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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