Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
