I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
