I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
