peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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