I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize