He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
false alarm, still single
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
