why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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