if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
