The maid of honor just puked.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
