Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
