90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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