why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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