six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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