I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
