Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
