we have officially lost it.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
