What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
