Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
