4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
