so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
