he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
