Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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