Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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