He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
