Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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