Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
