Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I checked into jail on foursquare
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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