Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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