I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
