Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
