I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
