so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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