I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
