Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize