make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
