Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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