I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
