my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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