so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
