Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
