I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
