i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
