three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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