lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize