Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
