and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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