I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
