it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
