throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
