Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
