that's an acceptable place to lick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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