Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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