every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
nutella sex= disaster
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
