My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
