I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How does one acquire holy water?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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