How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
