The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
