Im at strip club and am horny
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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