I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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