i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
