in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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