I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
