I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize