You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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