"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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