This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
